The Jinko Under the Mistletoe
by hellosweetie17
Summary: Akutagawa stumbles into an awkward situation. Literally.


Conveying no emotion whatsoever because he really didn't care, Akutagawa stared at Dazai and deadpanned, "No."

"Oh, come _on_ ," whined Dazai, "it'll be fun, Akutagawa-kun!"

He jabbed a finger over his shoulder to where a scowling Chuuya stood with his arms crossed over his chest, his foot furiously tapping on the ground; he was practically swallowed up by the green scarf wrapped around his neck.

"Even Chuuya agreed to go."

Behind Dazai, Akutagawa heard a loud 'tch' sound followed by a muttered 'shitty Dazai'. He fleetingly wondered what sort of trick his former senpai pulled to lure Chuuya into something that was most likely a trap and would make them both miserable for the rest of the night. And taking into consideration that it was Christmas Eve—an evening for lovers—Akutagawa wasn't in the mood for whatever he would witness when it came to Dazai and Chuuya's unusual interpretation of public displays of affection.

Regardless of Dazai's plea, Akutagawa shoved his hands into black trench coat and replied, "No."

Dazai bowed his head to the ground in an attempt to guilt him into tagging along. The moping action provided Akutagawa with a view of Chuuya dropping his arms to his sides and shaking his head. Chuuya walked toward them, smacking Dazai on the back of his head as he strolled on by before standing next to Akutagawa. He glanced up at him with a sly smirk.

"If the party sucks, Akutagawa-kun, we can both take turns slitting his throat later."

At the promised threat, the sound of Dazai's gleeful squeal echoed throughout the open air, chasing the birds away and earning another slap from Chuuya; he drew the attention of curious bystanders, too. Wincing, his hand flew up to the sore spot and began massaging the pain away.

"Geez, Chuuya's mean," Dazai mumbled beneath his breath. But he quickly recovered, seeing as he graced the others with a bright smile. He threw the tail end of his gray scarf over his shoulder.

"So, are you coming with us, Akutagawa-kun?"

Covering a cough with the back of his hand, Akutagawa reluctantly nodded and trailed behind the couple as they ambled down the street, walking past Christmas trees and weaving around fellow pedestrians as they headed toward Dazai's apartment.

* * *

It was official: Akutagawa Ryuunosuke was going to murder Dazai Osamu once and for all. And if the agitated hem of his black coat swaying to and fro had any say in the matter, Rashomon supported the decision. He'll apologize to Chuuya later.

So until he had the opportunity to make Dazai disappear (he could always do it now, of course), Akutagawa leaned against the wall of said dead man's apartment with one arm folded over his chest and his feet crossed at the ankles. Coughing, Akutagawa covered his mouth while he scanned his surroundings, his grey eyes flicking back and forth.

Bright lights varying in color—white, red, blue, green, and orange—were wrapped around a large Christmas tree erected in a corner next to a window, which had lights of its own outlining its sides and patterned stockings hanging from its ledge. The tree's branches were donned with ornaments and candy canes, too.

Akutagawa silently commended Chuuya for his decorating skills.

He glanced from the tree to the kitchen, his gaze roving over the group that was suspiciously comprised of couples (Dazai and Chuuya as well as Poe and Ranpo) save the pathetic jinko, who was apparently celebrating his first Christmas. If Akutagawa had know that _he_ was here, he would've gone home regardless of the occasion.

When he finally laid eyes on the entrance to the kitchen, it took everything in his willpower to neither flinch nor send Rashomon to Chuuya's aid. The executive was standing next to Dazai beneath the mistletoe in the archway. According to Poe, it was a Christmas tradition in America. And Dazai was taking full advantage of the custom, seeing as he kept reaching out for his partner.

"Will you keep your fucking hands to yourself?" snapped Chuuya, batting Dazai's hands away.

"But, chibi!" moaned Dazai with a pout. "Look where we're standing." He pointed his index finger upward, highlighting the plant's location.

In response, Chuuya flipped Dazai the bird, thereby recognizing the mistletoe, too. "What's your point?"

"Poe-san said we're supposed to kiss."

"So, what's your point?"

Huffing, Dazai made a move to grab Chuuya by the waist. Before he could to so, however, he began to glow a reddish hue; he lifted a few inches off the floor. Dazai smirked and placed his palm on Chuuya's cheek. A blue light flashed and he gracefully dropped down.

Chuuya glared. "You bast—"

"—Not today, dear," Dazai cut in, then yanked Chuuya forward and shamelessly kissed him.

After a few minutes of wandering hands and groping, Chuuya pushed Dazai away. He lifted his leg and kicked Dazai in the stomach, sending the man careening into the living room where he landed by the Christmas tree with a harsh thud and whiny groan. Laughing, Chuuya went into the kitchen.

Although the scene was one of the more awkward things Akutagawa has ever witnessed, he couldn't help the twitch that teased the corner of his mouth when Dazai carouselled through the air. That rare expression of amusement was obliterated by the agonizing sound that never failed to grate on his nerves. Much to his chagrin, Akutagawa found himself leering at the thorn in his side running over to Dazai's prone form.

"Dazai-san?! Dazai-san?!" exclaimed Atsushi, dropping to his knees. He began shaking the man's shoulders.

Dazai, who was playing dead, dramatically wailed, "I'm alright, Atsushi-kun! This is what Chuuya does when he's in the mood for foreplay; he'll get what he wants later."

"Foreplay for what?" asked Atsushi.

"...Nevermind," answered Dazai.

"The bastard's fine, Atsushi-kun!" Chuuya hollered from the kitchen. "I'll make sure he's taken care of tonight."

Albeit confused on the matter, Atsushi stood and walked away. But rather than return to the dessert table, which Ranpo was enthusiastically taking advantage of and helping Carl to do the same despite Poe's worrying, he headed toward Akutagawa.

Beneath his breath, Akutagawa swore as he watched Atsushi stop and stand before him. He stared into the jinko's yellow-lavender eyes with a blasé glare in his own grays.

"You should make an effort to have fun, Akutagawa," suggested Atsushi. "Maybe it'll put you in a good mood."

In spite of Atsushi's scolding (the audacity), he was smiling brightly, and his gaze sparkled with excitement. Akutagawa didn't think it was cute in the slightest. No, he most certainly did not.

" _Anything_ for you, jinko," offered Akutagawa with a painfully sarcastic smirk, his tone condescending.

Atsushi scowled, his cheeks flooding with color. "Maybe you need some _foreplay_ in _your_ life if you insist on ruining the night, you bastard," he snapped. He whirled on his heel and furiously stomped away.

Akutagawa choked and began hacking away, doubling over with his hands resting on his knees. Off to the side he heard Dazai laughing, preying on Atsushi's foreplay suggestion. He deeply considered sending Rashomon's spikes toward the man. Dazai deserved it.

With a final cough, Akutagawa straightened up and seethed in Atsushi's direction. He wasn't surprised to see the angry gleam thrown his way, but he was frustrated that he found the expression oddly appealing. And he didn't quite appreciate his heart leaping when the jinko's scowl slowly turned into a playful smile. He decided it was time for Atsushi to die alongside Dazai, too.

* * *

"Oh, Akutagawa-kun~!"

Heaving a sigh, Akutagawa regarded the man out of the corner of his eye. He managed to catch a glimpse of Chuuya over Dazai's shoulder: he was snoring away in a chair, his cheeks pink and mouth open—the lightweight had reached his limit.

"What do you want, Dazai-san?"

Smiling evilly, Dazai raised his bandaged arms in mock surrender. "I couldn't help but notice—"

"—of course you couldn't—"

"—that you've been ogling at a certain someone all night."

The corner of Akutagawa's mouth curled into a sneer. "Does the door count?"

Dazai waved his words away with a sigh. He twisted around and yelled, "Atsushi-kun!"

The jinko was by his side in a flash; Akutagawa practically heard the 'boing' sound when Atsushi landed.

"Yes, Dazai-san?"

Smiling sweetly, Dazai gestured toward the archway separating the living room and kitchen. "Can you do me a favor and stand over there, Atsushi-kun?"

"Sure!" Atsushi chirped, then trotted over to the designated spot.

Dazai turned his sights on Akutagawa. His angelic grin morphed into a calculating smirk, his brown eyes glittering with mischief. Akutagawa's sixth sense told him that he should probably leave before blood was shed. They stood there in silence, locked in a staring contest; Akutagawa looked away first. Unfortunately, he glanced at Atsushi and absently took note that he was standing beneath the mistletoe. Suddenly, it clicked. Whatever color infused his skin rapidly drained into a ghostly shade of gray. Akutagawa's gaze snapped to Dazai's.

"No," Akutagawa stated as he shook his head, his eyes wide and horrified. He took a step back, repeating his verbal declaration.

Based on Dazai's overall devilish demeanor, he had other plans. They came to fruition when he shot forward, but Akutagawa sidestepped him. Rashoumon zoomed toward the door, wrapping the tail end of his coat around the exit's handle. To his utter dismay, a bright blue light lit up the kitchen and thus, his ability was nullified before he could escape. Akutagawa glared at the detective.

"Sorry about that, Akutagawa-kun," Dazai apologized in a very unapologetic tone. He placed his hands on the other's shoulders and spun him around. "Merry Christmas!"

Before Akutagawa could do so much as blink, Dazai pushed him toward Atsushi; he haphazardly stumbled in his mortification. After he gained his bearings, he straightened up and stuffed one hand into his pocket.

"Oh, my god," he grumbled.

"What?" asked Atsushi.

Akutagawa shot him a sidelong glance. "Nothing."

"What're you waiting for!" shouted Dazai.

"What're you talking about, Dazai-san?" Atsushi questioned, gazing at Dazai with a 'what the heck' expression.

"Tch," hissed Akutagawa.

When Atsushi looked back at him, he pointed to the mistletoe. Atsushi followed the motion; he instantly blushed while Akutagawa glowered.

"Dazai-san!" yelled Atsushi as he fiddled with his scarf, and Akutagawa wanted to stab someone, "What am I supposed to—"

"—just do what I've been doing to Chuuya all night!"

Nodding enthusiastically, Atsushi replied, "Alright!"

Without another word, the jinko peered up at Akutagawa and wrapped his hands around his lapel, then roughly pulled him down for a kiss. He let out an undignified gasp when their mouths connected, yet his began to tingle as Atsushi's lips brushed against his own. His body decided to betray him by moving of its own accord, his arms wrapping around Atsushi's waist, his eyes fluttering closed. And for a moment, Akutagawa was lost in their awkward embrace. That was, until a whistling noise sent his eyes flying open and he took a step back, thereby breaking their kiss.

Clearing his throat, Akutagawa glanced at Atsushi, whose cheeks were flushed a scarlet red and his gaze sparkling with wonderment, his smile luminescent. He could actually feel a faint warmth infusing his face.

The sound of Dazai's voice drew their attention.

"I knew it~!" sang Dazai, stars and glitter bursting behind his brown eyes. "Akutagawa-kun and Atsushi-kun sitting in the—"

"—Mind your fucking business, mackerel!" shouted a conscious Chuuya. "Or else I'll forget it's Christmas and throw you out the window."

"That's really kinky, chibi," remarked Dazai. "Can we add that to the foreplay?"

"Tch, bastard."

To his side, Akutagawa heard an exasperated sigh. He looked over to find Atsushi staring at him with a smile.

"They're really…" began Atsushi, "something el— _mmph!_ "

Without warning, Akutagawa yanked Atsushi forward, pulling him flush against his body as Rashomon wrapped around his waist. He leaned down and captured Atsushi in another kiss.

And as Akutagawa stood there with his lips pressed against Atsushi's, he decided that he'll spare Dazai's life for a little while longer. Or at the very least, say goodbye if Chuuya happened to get to Dazai first.


End file.
